Day 22 – Rest day #2 in The Plains, Ohio – no miles

September 20, 2009

Okay, so another late night last night. It seems that Jarrid and I have an awful lot to talk about. I wanted to let him do his reading for school, but we started talking at length. Actually, we never stopped talking. In my 27 years, I have never had an interaction quite like I have had with him this weekend. So, we were up all night talking. I knew that I would have a lazy slow start to my trip today.

But I stayed instead. I had no desire to overstay my welcome at his place, or step over my boundaries with his roommate, but he offered so I accepted. I watched him make soymilk. Soymilk, for crying out loud. What could be more perfect on my day off? We flung the okara out into the field across the street. I made some potatoes and eggs. He did some studying, but not enough. I wish I felt more bad about that than I do now. I am glad I got to see what it’s like to be a girl who can be with someone else for a minute. Someone I truly would want to be with. As a person who has only ever had one boyfriend (and that was – six years ago now), and never been in love, so to speak, it was a much needed experience for me.

Love, and sex, relationships, and all that, is very confusing to me. Very. I see all kinds of different examples around me that let me know that the current models that most people follow are not for me. They don’t make sense. Am I going to force this person to like me, or manipulate this person into sleeping with me, or hurt this person because they hurt me? Or settle for this person, then let that person get to me, grate my nerves for years and I hold everything against them? Or simply be with someone just so I don’t feel like I’m alone? Not me. So when I run into someone like Jarrid, all the confusion clears. My head is on straight, and I believe people can fall for someone they barely know. Find a connection that feels more natural than the ones that take years to cultivate. This is the last thing I expected to happen on this trip. Someone like Jarrid has never come along for me, and now he has, and he seems to feel the same way. And all that goopy gushy roll-your-eyes stuff.

It’s sad that we are not meant to be, not at this time. But never fear. The sadness I hold now does not damper the trip. I just can’t believe my luck that I got to have this weekend. I will never forget it. Plus, I know that he is in this world, and that knowledge is more exciting than brain plasticity (I’m a dork. Brain plasticity is very exciting, in case you didn’t know).

(ed. note – I do believe that many relationships can and do work, and those examples are out there, too. I follow those examples as to what I want, and they tend to be a little less easy to find)


6 Responses to “Day 22 – Rest day #2 in The Plains, Ohio – no miles”

  1. Sam Says:

    This is not advice, and I don’t mean to sound corny, but I don’t consider my relationship with Fred, “love”. I think it is something deeper than that word means. For one, there is no one I’d much rather spend my time with, day in and day out. After our trip, I was worried about us getting jobs because I wasn’t sure I could stand the separation of 8 hours while I brought home a salary.

    I despised the term “boyfriend” as a way to describe my relationship with him when we were dating. I love talking to him. On our first meeting we spoke for 8 straight hours. We still talk a lot, 10 years later. I’m not exactly a chatter box either.

    • darksparkm Says:

      I’m really glad you posted this, Sam. I think we might be on the same page. I have never had what you have, but that is what I believe I am looking for. I don’t mean to sound like I think that no relationships can work, as I know they do, and it seems the kind of “love” that make them work is more on the level you are talking about. I am so glad you have found each other!

      p.s. expect a package from me soon.

  2. Sam Says:

    Oooo a package! You could send me dirt from Indiana and I wouldn’t mind. But now I’m excited.

    On another note, I listened to music from my laptop (Fred had our mp3 player) at night before going to sleep. I was on a classical music kick on our trip and listened to Hilary Hahn (from Philly!) play Bach.

    • darksparkm Says:

      Ah, sorry. It’s not an exciting package – it’s just my junk that I’ve unloaded. Proof that I’ll be there to pick it up, though – so… yay? But I will send you dirt, maybe from Kansas so it is a surprise.

  3. Sam Says:

    Got yer package right here. Will be waiting for you to get here.

  4. Sam Says:

    Well initially my thought was, wth is wrong with Carrie sending us presents? Save your money! So I am not unhappy you sent us your junk.

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